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SL-4-L1F3
■|🐐:Beeehehe Baah Hmbahahaha hmhaha beheha, beheh baha beh mbleh bah|■

Age 21, Swag

freelancer

all done

Somewhere in Brazil

Joined on 7/9/20

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Changes, changes and changes...

Posted by SL-4-L1F3 - 1 hour ago


Time and time again, i make art, drawings, sculptures, paintings, masks, clothing customization, cakes, digital paintings, pixelarts, wall paintings, face paintings...


But, i feel like, nothingness strikes me, i look at what i do, nothing really clicks, it does not impact me, not in the slightest, i am able to recognize the many traits in my art, some good, some bad, i feel glad for the good traits and can see how to improve my bad traits, yet, it only feels good because being good at something sometimes feels good...


I get many good words and congratulations on my art piecesm mostly IRL and on servers i partake in social course in, but, i only feel undeserving of these good referencing towards my art...


I feel like my art is made for someone else, not myself, i feel like my art is made by somebody else, not me...


I want my art to impact me as it did when i was younger, even if did just represent distorted visions of the abuse suffered as a child, it used to mean soething, it used to be something, not just fall into a pit of nothingness...


I guess this is just another demon i have to kill, another name in the list of personal demons i muyst crush, kill and destroy, the list is long, many names have been risked out of it, yet, there is still lots of names to go, lots of self improvements to make, i still feel all the pain in full strength from the death of my favourite dog, which i took care as a son, i still feel the pain of being beaten over and over again, of all the physical, verbal and sexual abuse, of having to work since a very young age to put money on the house...


So much pain, and yet, i have hope, "Esperança" is my holy guide trough this cursed and wretched labyrinth they call life, i will kill demon after demon, i will go to each demon and brutalize them to the point of no recognition, before they come to my door, kick it down, get the best of me...


After every kill i grow stronger, more intelligent, more like... Myself... After every fall i raise up and kill more, i bathe in the blood of my demons, and i will only stop when i am knee deep in their decaying carcasses... I will never become perfect, i have already learned that, i already killed the demon of self loathing that wanted me to be perfect, but i am sure that in the end, i will be content midst my inperfections, i will be happy being myself...


I do not strive to become aknowledgeable, famous, not even a good artist, but i hope i can become a better myself and enjoy myself, enjoy the art i make, and i hope someone who needs it can one day find the things i leave behind with every post, every piece of art, and be able to realize what trully matters;


Hope, contentment in merely being, i hope everyone can one day find their true guiding moonlight, their own "Esperança".


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