Time and time again, i make art, drawings, sculptures, paintings, masks, clothing customization, cakes, digital paintings, pixelarts, wall paintings, face paintings...

But, i feel like, nothingness strikes me, i look at what i do, nothing really clicks, it does not impact me, not in the slightest, i am able to recognize the many traits in my art, some good, some bad, i feel glad for the good traits and can see how to improve my bad traits, yet, it only feels good because being good at something sometimes feels good...

I get many good words and congratulations on my art piecesm mostly IRL and on servers i partake in social course in, but, i only feel undeserving of these good referencing towards my art...

I feel like my art is made for someone else, not myself, i feel like my art is made by somebody else, not me...

I want my art to impact me as it did when i was younger, even if did just represent distorted visions of the abuse suffered as a child, it used to mean soething, it used to be something, not just fall into a pit of nothingness...

I guess this is just another demon i have to kill, another name in the list of personal demons i muyst crush, kill and destroy, the list is long, many names have been risked out of it, yet, there is still lots of names to go, lots of self improvements to make, i still feel all the pain in full strength from the death of my favourite dog, which i took care as a son, i still feel the pain of being beaten over and over again, of all the physical, verbal and sexual abuse, of having to work since a very young age to put money on the house...

So much pain, and yet, i have hope, "Esperança" is my holy guide trough this cursed and wretched labyrinth they call life, i will kill demon after demon, i will go to each demon and brutalize them to the point of no recognition, before they come to my door, kick it down, get the best of me...

After every kill i grow stronger, more intelligent, more like... Myself... After every fall i raise up and kill more, i bathe in the blood of my demons, and i will only stop when i am knee deep in their decaying carcasses... I will never become perfect, i have already learned that, i already killed the demon of self loathing that wanted me to be perfect, but i am sure that in the end, i will be content midst my inperfections, i will be happy being myself...

I do not strive to become aknowledgeable, famous, not even a good artist, but i hope i can become a better myself and enjoy myself, enjoy the art i make, and i hope someone who needs it can one day find the things i leave behind with every post, every piece of art, and be able to realize what trully matters;

Hope, contentment in merely being, i hope everyone can one day find their true guiding moonlight, their own "Esperança".

Just reached 20 fans, that's kinda nice i guess, not a big number but still, it makes me feel a tad bit funny...

I've been needing to pratice, if anyone ever sees this, i'd like ideas on what to draw, could be a character you own, anything really, the comms that have been requested to me are getting progressively harder, any sort of pratice would do me very well...

I accept sugestion or straight up "Commissions", except these will be for free.

Good now, recently i had someone respond to a post of mine regarding their concern about the fact that i follow many "Freaky" art and artists, like NSFW stuff, while also following for "childish" stuff, like more amateur artwork and stuff hat one would usualy be see in the works of children or initiates of arts.

I am an enjoyer of all things art, i really like checking out these more recent artistis to see how they progress as they post more, however most of them tend to (saddly) stop posting very early, and i follow the more freaky stuff because that's the type of art which inspire me the most.

I reakky liked that the person just came up to me and expressed their concern, i heavily encourage everyone to follow the example, it is a good way to show people that certain "concerning behaviours" are actually wrong and thath they need to work on some change or just stop expressing themselves like that.

Hope y'all understand the urgency of keeping an eye out for "concerning art" and behaviour, questioning people about their interests online is a good way to prevent stuff of that sorts from spreading, and if ya talk to someone about your concerns like that, ya might even get out an interesting conversatio or mayve meet someone cool, who knows.

Stay sharp, stay safe.

Had to spend the whole day outside, got home and i was fucking drained. exhausted, i really do like Madness as a whole, i wish i could do something this year to celebrate, but i have to go out again to do more job stuff. Fucking sukz i tell ya, sucks a lot really :(

It is good to recieve positive feedback even knowing i am an utterlly irresponsible and negligent artist :)

Not that anyone'd give a fuck XD

I've been focusing on more personal projects than just art recently, i've writing a book, giving a chance at sculpting, studying a lot to try and get a fix job, doing some wuick jobs here and there for a quick cash grab... Lotsa stuff really.

I've been also thinking about going back to drawing yiff and more NSFW stuff, it was really fun and it exercised parts of my drawing skills wich other drawings ain't exercising, it was allways challenging and fun, doing it for money was a bit stressfull, but i'd tottally do it again, i feel like i've grown a lot as a person, much more mature and wise, a tad bit sillier too...

:3

There is a Brazilian word to describe specifically when you miss something or miss someone, in english you can "miss the bus" or "miss someone you love", one has the meaning of being late and loosing the oportunity to catch a bus and the other has the meaning of feeling bad or just thoughtfull because of the lacking presence of someone you hold dear, respectivelly.

"Saudades" is a word that describes a feeling, an emotion of utter sadness, anger or just pure melancolic nostalgia, yhis emotion is present whenever you think of a thing, something lost, maybe you lost it a while ago, maybe it was just 2 (two) hours ago, doesn't matter, i ain't one for giving linguistic lessons, my dislexic ass couldn't handle writing more than 4 paragraphs worth of text.

However, this little word, it allways comes to mind when think of my dog, i love seeing other people playing with and showing off their dogs, i myself do enjoy petting and just having fun with those little buggers, but, everytime i see a dog, i instantly remember him, whenever i ampetting a dog, the only consistently recurring thought is;

"Man, i wish this was Bugui, i'd give my fingers, fuck, even an arm, to be able to pet that fucker one last time..."

2011 - 2023

Hope you are finally being able to rest, no more stormy nights, no more crazy cats from the naighbours, no more sickness, just peacefull, utter darkness, you might be 5 feet deep in the ground right now, but you will allways be thousands of kilometers deep in my heart and in my mind, miss ya a lot.

I rise from the dead, i've been trying to go back to playing games and art stuffz, so now i'm here!

I've been very very very sick, like, near death type sick, but i've also been having fun with someone i hold dear, i've been having creativity, i bit more time to play games, so things even out.